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- If life's at risk When there's immediate danger to life. Call 999
- Samaritans Free to call, any time, for anyone struggling. Call 116 123
- Prefer to text? Free and confidential, any time. Text SHOUT to 85258
- NHS 111 in England and Wales Choose option 2 for mental health. Free, 24 hours a day. Call 111
- NHS 24 in Scotland Choose the mental health option. Free, 24 hours a day. Call 111
Words that make talking easier
Practical wording for conversations, committee meetings and club messages, including how to talk about suicide.
Why words matter
Language is one of the quickest ways a club's culture shows itself. Most people will never read a club's policies. They'll hear what gets said at the bar after a round.
When mental health only comes up as a punchline, or gets talked about in lowered voices, people learn it's something to hide. When it's talked about plainly and respectfully, they learn the opposite: that it's a normal part of life, and that saying “I'm struggling” won't change how they're treated.
That matters for three reasons:
It affects whether people speak up
Someone who's having a hard time is often listening to how others talk long before they say anything themselves.
It shapes how people are treated
The words we use about mental health tend to shape the assumptions we make about people, as page 3 showed.
Everyone can change it
It takes no training and no budget. Every member, staff member and volunteer uses words at the club every day.
This isn't about policing every sentence. Everyone gets it wrong now and then, and old habits take a while to shift. It's about knowing which words can cause harm, why, and what to say instead.
How to use this page
Start with the four ground rules. After that, the phrasebook works as a reference: common phrases, why they can cause harm, and what to try instead. Skim it, or jump to the part you need.
Four ground rules
Follow their lead
People describe their own mental health in different ways. Use the words they use. If someone says they've been “a bit down”, don't turn it into “depression”.
Describe, don't label
Keep diagnoses out of everyday chat, don't use them as insults, and don't diagnose other people. You can be particular about your pre-shot routine without being “so OCD” about it.
Be plain and direct
Vague or softened language makes things harder to talk about, especially suicide. Saying the actual words is kinder than hinting around them.
Listen more than you fix
Ask open questions, say back what you've heard, and resist the urge to jump in with advice or your own story.
The phrasebook
Common phrases you'll hear around the club, why they can cause harm, and what to try instead.
Day to day
The everyday stuff: banter, throwaway comments and well-meant advice.
- Instead of
“Man up and get on with it.”
Try“How are you actually doing?”
Why: Treats someone's feelings as an inconvenience.
- After a missed putt Instead of
“He's having a breakdown.”
Try“That was brutal.”
Why: Borrows a real crisis to describe a bad putt.
- Instead of
“Get a stiff drink down you, you'll be fine.”
Try“Fancy a coffee and a proper catch-up?”
Why: Makes alcohol the answer before anyone's asked the question.
- Instead of
“They're mental.”
Try“They're having a hard time.”
Why: Turns a real experience into an insult.
- Instead of
“Everyone gets depressed sometimes.”
Try“Feeling low and depression aren't the same, and both deserve taking seriously.”
Why: Mixes up a low mood with a medical condition.
- Instead of
“I'm a bit OCD about my pre-shot routine.”
Try“I'm particular about my pre-shot routine.”
Why: OCD is a serious condition, not a personality quirk.
- Instead of
“They're just being dramatic.”
Try“Something's clearly bothering them.”
Why: Dismisses what might be a real struggle.
- Instead of
“What have they got to be anxious about?”
Try“Anxiety doesn't need a reason to be real.”
Why: Mental health problems don't always have an obvious cause.
- Instead of
“Happy pills”
Try“Antidepressants” or “their medication”
Why: Makes treatment sound trivial, which can put people off.
Describing mental health
How we talk about mental health problems, and the people living with them.
- Instead of
“Suffering from depression”
Try“Living with depression”
Why: Assumes constant misery. Plenty of people live full lives.
- Instead of
“A depressive”
Try“Someone with depression”
Why: Reduces a person to a diagnosis. The same goes for any condition.
- Instead of
“A schizophrenic”
Try“A person with schizophrenia”
Why: Puts the diagnosis before the person.
- Instead of
“Mental health sufferers”
Try“People with mental health problems”
Why: Defines people by their condition.
- In club notices Instead of
“Help for people with problems”
Try“Support is available for anyone who needs it”
Why: Makes support sound like it's for other people.
- Instead of
“Normal people”
TryJust describe the situation, without the comparison
Why: Implies people who are struggling aren't normal. They are.
- Instead of
“Cured” or “fixed”
Try“Managing it” or “getting support”
Why: Implies someone was broken.
- Instead of
“Battling depression”
Try“Living with depression”, unless they call it a fight themselves
Why: Can make anyone not “winning” feel like they're failing.
- In club notices Instead of
“If you're suffering…”
Try“If you're finding things difficult…”
Why: Sets the bar too high, so people think it's not for them.
When someone opens up
What to say when someone tells you they're having a hard time.
- Instead of
“Are you OK?”
Try“How are you finding things?”
Why: Easy to answer “fine” and move on.
- Instead of
“Don't worry, everyone feels like that.”
Try“That sounds really hard.”
Why: Meant kindly, but can feel like being brushed off.
- Instead of
“Cheer up.”
Try“Thanks for telling me.”
Why: Suggests they could just choose to feel better.
- Instead of
“I know exactly how you feel.”
Try“I'm listening. What's it been like?”
Why: Shifts the focus to you.
- Instead of
“Have you tried going for a run?”
Try“What do you think might help?”
Why: Jumps to fixing before they've finished talking.
- Instead of
“Let's not talk about that here.”
Try“Shall we find somewhere quieter?”
Why: Shuts the conversation down, even when privacy is the worry.
Take it with you
Every phrase on this page on a single printable sheet. Pin it in the office, hand it to the committee, or keep one behind the bar.
Talking about suicide
The words used about suicide matter more than most. These are worth getting right.
- Instead of
“Committed suicide”
Try“Died by suicide” or “took their own life”
Why: Suicide isn't a crime, and "committed" still carries that echo.
- Instead of
“A failed attempt” or “a successful attempt”
Try“A suicide attempt”
Why: Judges the outcome, not the person. Every attempt deserves to be taken seriously.
- Instead of
“Completed suicide”
Try“Died by suicide”
Why: Implies earlier attempts that may not have happened.
- Instead of
“It's just attention-seeking.”
Try“They need support.”
Why: Dismissing it can stop someone asking again.
- Instead of
“It's a cry for help.”
Try“They need support right now.”
Why: Can make it sound less serious than it is.
- Instead of
“Suicide victim”
Try“Someone who died by suicide”
Why: Defines a person by how they died.
- Instead of
“Suicide survivor”
Try“Someone who survived an attempt” or “someone bereaved by suicide”
Why: Could mean either, and they're very different.
- Instead of
“You're being selfish. Think of your family.”
Try“Let's talk about what's going on.”
Why: Can sound like blame. Many people with these thoughts already believe, wrongly, that others would be better off without them.
- Instead of
“You're not going to do anything silly, are you?”
Try“Are you having thoughts of ending your life?”
Why: "Silly" minimises it, and the vague wording makes it easy to say no.
It's OK to ask directly
If they're in immediate danger
Call 999, and stay with them until help arrives. If it's safe to do so, remove anything they could use to harm themselves.
If you're worried someone might be thinking about suicide, ask them plainly:
“Are you having thoughts of ending your life?”
Asking directly doesn't make someone more likely to act on their thoughts, and it can come as a relief to be asked.
If they say yes
- Stay calm, listen, and thank them for telling you.
- Don't promise to keep it secret.
- Help them get support: Samaritans on 116 123, their GP, or NHS 111.
- Let your club's named contact know, so they're not left to manage it alone.
If someone in your club community dies by suicide, how the club talks about it matters. Before you say or post anything, read our guidance on responding to a death by suicide.
If you get it wrong
You probably will at some point. Everyone does.
- 1
Correct yourself
“Sorry, I meant to say…”
- 2
Move on
No need to make it a big moment.
- 3
Remember for next time
That's how habits change.
If someone corrects you, thank them and adjust. Don't get defensive, and don't spend five minutes apologising. That's how language changes.
The words are the easy part. Next, a look at what a club feels like when all of this becomes normal.
Knowing what to say is a good start. A club that backs it up goes further.
The Florio Club Commitment is free. Its ten steps help your club put support in place behind the words, at your own pace.
Need help now?
If life's at risk Call 999
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Need help now?
- If life's at risk When there's immediate danger to life. Call 999
- Samaritans Free to call, any time, for anyone struggling. Call 116 123
- Prefer to text? Free and confidential, any time. Text SHOUT to 85258
- NHS 111 in England and Wales Choose option 2 for mental health. Free, 24 hours a day. Call 111
- NHS 24 in Scotland Choose the mental health option. Free, 24 hours a day. Call 111