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What mental health stigma looks like at a club
Most people who keep quiet about their mental health aren't just being private. They're often weighing up how others might react, and that worry usually comes down to stigma.
“Fine, thanks.”
At a golf club, it's easy to look fine. People turn up, play their round, have their pint, debate whether hybrids count as real golf, and answer “fine, thanks” with the same muscle memory as their pre-shot routine.
Some of that is just privacy, and that's fair enough. Not everyone wants to talk, and nobody should have to. But for a lot of people, the silence comes from a worry about what happens if they say something different: that they'll be judged, joked about, or quietly treated differently.
What stigma actually is
Stigma is the judgement, awkwardness and silence that builds up around mental health. It can show up in three ways, and each one can lead to the next.
- 1
What people assume
“He's just a worrier.” “Depression is just being a bit down.”
Simple beliefs that get repeated until nobody questions them.
- 2
How people judge
“Probably can't handle much.”
Deciding someone is weak or unreliable because of a label, before knowing anything else about them.
- 3
How people act
Left off the team. Passed over. Talked about.
Treating someone differently: leaving them out, passing them over, or making decisions for them.
Most of it isn't deliberate. It's picked up over years, from families, the media and the way things have always been done, and people often don't realise they're doing it.
Over time, people who are struggling can start to believe it about themselves too, which makes asking for help even harder.
How it can show up at a club
Every club has its own culture, and plenty are warm, welcoming places. But even at good clubs, stigma can turn up in a few familiar ways.
The dismissive remark
“What's she got to be depressed about? She's retired, she's got a lovely house and she plays four times a week.”
Why it matters
It suggests you need a good reason to struggle. Mental health problems can affect anyone, whatever their life looks like from the outside. And anyone listening who is having a hard time hears exactly how they'd be talked about.
What helps
Not joining in. Or simply: “You never really know what's going on with someone.”
The joke
Someone misses a two-foot putt and his playing partner says he's “having a breakdown”. The greens committee are “going mental” about the budget.
Why it matters
Banter is part of club life, and most of it does no harm. This is about the jokes where mental health is the punchline. They're rarely meant badly, but they tell anyone who's struggling that their experience is something to laugh at.
What helps
“I know you're joking, but that's a bit rough for anyone actually going through it.” Most people adjust once they hear it.
The assumption about reliability
At a committee meeting, someone mentions that the competition secretary “had some time off with stress last year”, and suggests someone else runs the club championship, just in case.
Why it matters
A decision is being made about someone based on a label, not on what they can actually do. It's also exactly why people keep things to themselves.
What helps
Judge people on what they do. If there's a real concern, ask the person privately what they'd find helpful, and don't discuss or minute someone's health without their agreement.
The disclosure that travels
A greenkeeper tells a colleague he's been struggling since his divorce. By the end of the week, the whole team and half the members know.
Why it matters
Nothing stops people opening up faster than finding out their business has been shared. And everyone who hears it learns the same lesson: don't tell anyone anything here.
What helps
Keep it to yourself unless they're happy for you to share it. If you're worried about their safety or someone else's, don't promise to keep it secret: tell them what you're going to do, and pass it to the right person, not round the club.
If it involves a child or an adult at risk, speak to your club's Welfare Officer, or the club secretary if your club doesn't have one.
Awkward isn't the same as unfair
Not everything on that list is equally serious.
An awkward moment
A clumsy phrase, a joke that misses, or asking “are you coping?” when you meant “how are you getting on?” Everyone does it. It's worth noticing, it doesn't make anyone a bad person, and it's usually fixed with “sorry, that came out wrong”.
Treating someone differently
Leaving someone off a team, passing them over for a role, sharing their business, or deciding what they can handle without asking them. That has a real effect on people's lives, and depending on the circumstances it can also fall foul of equality law.
The aim isn't to police every sentence. It's to make sure the awkward stuff stays awkward, and never tips over into unfair.
Changing the tone
Culture changes through small things done consistently, not one big moment. Start with whichever of these fits your club.
Say the words out loud
Mental health, anxiety, depression, suicide. The more calmly and plainly they're said, the less weight they carry.
Put support where people already look
A poster next to the fixture list and a line in the newsletter alongside the green fees, not a leaflet in a drawer in the office.
Gently pick up the jokes that land badly
Once, lightly, and move on.
Keep confidences
What's shared privately isn't for the bar. The only exception is when someone's safety is at risk, and then it goes to the right person, not round the club.
Lead from the top
When the captain, manager or committee talk about this openly, it gives everyone else permission to. That includes admitting to the odd rough week.
Thank people for being honest
If someone opens up, “thanks for telling me” goes a long way. Then listen, and help them find support if they want it.
None of this means anyone has to become a counsellor, or the club's language police. But knowing what to say makes it a lot easier, and that's what the next page is for.
Changing the tone starts with the people who run the club.
The Florio Club Commitment is free. Its first step is getting your club's leadership on board, and the other nine follow at your own pace.
Need help now?
If life's at risk Call 999
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Need help now?
- If life's at risk When there's immediate danger to life. Call 999
- Samaritans Free to call, any time, for anyone struggling. Call 116 123
- Prefer to text? Free and confidential, any time. Text SHOUT to 85258
- NHS 111 in England and Wales Choose option 2 for mental health. Free, 24 hours a day. Call 111
- NHS 24 in Scotland Choose the mental health option. Free, 24 hours a day. Call 111