Signs to look out for
Some people show signs that they might be thinking about suicide. They might:
- Talk about wanting to die, or about not being here
- Say they feel hopeless, trapped or like a burden to others
- Seem to be saying goodbye, or start giving things away
- Seem suddenly calm after a really difficult time
- Drink more, or take more risks than usual
- Pull away from people and the things they normally enjoy
Sometimes there are no obvious signs. If something doesn't feel right, trust that feeling.
Ask them directly
If you're worried, ask them plainly:
“Are you having thoughts of ending your life?”
or “Are you thinking about suicide?”
It can feel like a frightening thing to say. But asking directly doesn't make someone more likely to act on their thoughts, and it can come as a relief to be asked. Using the word “suicide” shows them you can handle the answer.
Find somewhere private, give them your full attention, and try to stay calm, whatever they say.
If they say yes
- 1
Stay calm and listen. Thank them for telling you. You don't need to have the answers.
- 2
Ask if they've made any plans, or done anything to harm themselves. This helps you know how urgent things are.
- 3
If they have a plan, or you think they're at immediate risk, call 999 or take them to A&E. Stay with them.
- 4
If they're not in immediate danger, help them get support today: an urgent GP appointment, NHS 111, or a call to Samaritans. Offer to make the call with them.
- 5
Don't promise to keep it secret. Their safety comes first.
- 6
If you're at the club in a role, let your Mental Health First Aider, Mental Health Lead or welfare officer know, so you're not handling it alone.
If they say no
Take them at their word, but keep the door open.
“OK. I asked because I care. If that ever changes, I'm here.”
Keep checking in, the same way you would anyway.
Words that help, and words that don't
The words used about suicide matter. These are worth getting right.
| Instead of | Try | Why |
|---|---|---|
| “Committed suicide” | “Died by suicide” or “took their own life” | Suicide isn't a crime, and "committed" still carries that echo. |
| “A failed attempt” or “a successful attempt” | “A suicide attempt” | Judges the outcome, not the person. Every attempt deserves to be taken seriously. |
| “Completed suicide” | “Died by suicide” | Implies earlier attempts that may not have happened. |
| “It's just attention-seeking.” | “They need support.” | Dismissing it can stop someone asking again. |
| “It's a cry for help.” | “They need support right now.” | Can make it sound less serious than it is. |
| “Suicide victim” | “Someone who died by suicide” | Defines a person by how they died. |
| “Suicide survivor” | “Someone who survived an attempt” or “someone bereaved by suicide” | Could mean either, and they're very different. |
| “You're being selfish. Think of your family.” | “Let's talk about what's going on.” | Can sound like blame. Many people with these thoughts already believe, wrongly, that others would be better off without them. |
| “You're not going to do anything silly, are you?” | “Are you having thoughts of ending your life?” | "Silly" minimises it, and the vague wording makes it easy to say no. |